What is grooming?

Grooming means contacting and seeking to establish a relationship with children and teenagers who are under the legal age of sexual consent (16 years old) to achieve sexual pleasure or to have a relationship of a sexual nature.

How is the first contact made?

Grooming can occur in several ways. In most cases, an individual may first try to contact a child using an online service. For example, they may try to join a discussion on a social network, a chat room or an online video game platform, while maintaining their identity or pretending to be the child’s age.

Building trust:

The person may try to establish a relationship of trust with the child.
For instance, they may:

• ask questions about the child’s favourite video games, or about topics they follow on the Internet and social media.
• develop a relationship around topics of common interest.
• gradually ask the child how they are feeling, try to find out if they are having difficulties in their friendships or in their relationship with their parents.
• if the child is in difficulty, acknowledge their feelings.
• position themselves as a trusted confidant.

Once trust has been built up and a friendship or romantic relationship has been established, the person may seek to ask more intimate questions.

Questions may include:

• Do you like to sleep naked?
• Have you ever kissed someone?
• Do you wear bras or thongs?
• Do you have pubic hair?
• Are your breasts growing?
• Have you ever measured your penis?

If the child lets their guard down, the person may try to proceed further by:

• asking the child to send intimate pictures.
• sending pictures of their own genitals.
• suggesting an online meeting (for example, a video session).
• suggesting a face-to-face meeting.

You have reasons for concern if your child:

• spends more and more time online and neglects their other activities.
• spends less time with their friends.
• often talks to someone you do not know.
• quickly switches their screen image if you are nearby.
• receives letters, parcels or phone calls from people you do not know.
• has money that you did not give them or clothes and accessories that you did not buy them.
• often misses school.
• is getting lower grades.
• becomes aggressive.
• becomes isolated and withdrawn.
• shows signs of low self-esteem.

If you think that your child is a victim of grooming:

• Tell them about your fears and worries.
• Ask them for more details about the relationship they have built.
• Listen without judgement.
• Ask them if you can see their conversations with the person.
• Remember that, depending on the situation, the law can protect your child.
• With their consent, collect and keep evidence (photos or screenshots of the person’s and your child’s profile, and content that they have shared).
• You can call the nearest police department to report the situation.
• Depending on the advice of the police:
  • Go to the police department with or without your child, with the evidence.
  • File a complaint.
  • Report and/or block the person’s account.

To help you maintain a consistent approach:

• Remember that your child is a victim; making them feel guilty will not solve the situation and will prevent them from feeling confident enough to tell you and give you as much information as possible.
• Be aware that it may be difficult for your child to accept the end of a friendship or romantic relationship that they may believe to have been genuine and sincere.
• Take the time to explain to your child that:
  • what the person is doing is illegal, which is why you are asking for police assistance.
  • the law is there to protect them.
• Offer your child the opportunity to receive psychological support.